My ex-boyfriend is an ass, each and every part of me knows that, but still i find it soo difficult to move on! I was with this guy for almost an year on an ‘on and off’ basis, and i really thought he loved me. Though we used to have many fights, but we were still happy. One week before shifting to a different country, he told me he still loves me, and right after two weeks, he made a new girlfriend in that new place! I tried to stop all contact with him, but he contacts me somehow as we have loads of common friends and says we are still “best friends” and he still cares about me. i try my best not to think about him, its been almost 3 months now, but i just cant get him out of my mind! what should i do?? Its annoying me now! And now he wants to meet me when he comes back home for vacations, what should i do? should i meet him?
In general, people want what they don’t have. If you see a girl with an attractive guy, you’ll want that guy. If you see some cake you know shouldn’t eat, you’ll want that cake. If you see a neighboring country with a strategically located port, you’ll want that country. It’s human nature.
You can’t get this guy out of your head for one simple reason: You’ve yet to find another guy to lust for instead. The longer you worry about this guy, the harder it’ll be to meet someone else that’ll drive you crazy, leaving you with more time to dwell on your ex. It’s a vicious cycle.
We’ve all been there. We’ve all had recent ex’s that we both love and hate. There’s a reason why make-up sex is so damn good. In fact, the perfect relationship would probably involve no interaction with two people except for weekly make-up sex. Sadly, life is never that easy.
As I mentioned in our last column, everyone has some good in them, and many of us can’t help but focus on the good side. Guys will meet a woman, and knowing almost nothing at all about her, will fill in the gaps with their idealized partner, practically falling in love before they’ve even said hello. I do this several times a day. The problem is that it’s always downhill from there.
What you need to do is go meet someone else. There are lots of guys out there. But you’re never going to meet them if you spend your time texting back and forth with your ex in another country.
Should you meet him? That depends on what you want. If you want to move on with your life, the answer would be no. But you and I both know that you’re going to do it anyway, so let’s just cut the BS.
You’ll meet up with him, it’ll go great, the make-up sex will be awesome, you’ll both express how much you love each other, then he’ll go back home to his girlfriend and you’ll go back to obsessing over him, likely until he visits again.
In your head, this is all part of some romantic drama and he’s going to finally come running back to you, realize how perfect you are together, and you’ll live happily ever after. This isn’t going to happen. You know it, I know it, and while I haven’t read her response yet, I bet even Blonde knows it. And if anyone’s an expert on fantasizing about things that will never happen, it’s Blonde.
Cut ties with him, move on, and find some other guy to fall in love with. There are plenty of us assholes out there, more than enough to go around. Find one and then tell us how it goes.
The real kicker about humans is that each of us have good qualities and bad qualities. For instance, Bouncer is fat, ugly and honestly kind of boring, but sometimes he does stuff for me out of desperation.
Everyone’s ex-boyfriend is an asshole, and everyone’s ex-girlfriend is a whore. This is just the way it goes. They are your ex because their bad qualities outweighed the good ones and you can’t stand to watch them eat another meal in silence.
Break-ups are strange. Within the first couple days, even weeks, hatred and resentment are at an all-time high. Angry feelings fuel your every move, liberating you from the chains of relationship slavery. In this brief period of time, there isn’t a single spec of love in your heart for this person whom you once cherished. Instead, you fantasize about them contracting HIV.
As the days and weeks pass, you begin to consign to oblivion the shitty thoughts and feelings that were sustaining you. Fond feelings begin to manifest. You remember his crooked tooth. You remember the way he wore his hats. You remember the way he looked when he slept. You remember the smell of his B.O. Memories surface of times when the two of you were happy, laughing endlessly in between make-out sessions. All-of-a-sudden, you realize your ex is not the monster you mistook him for. Instead, you misconceived the whole thing. As it turns out, he really didn’t do anything wrong. His anger problems are simply a result of your continual cunty bitching. He emotional neglect is naturally just a facade for his fear in getting closer.
You have officially begun romancing the fuck out of your ex. The problem with this stage of breaking up is that you choose to block from your memory all the really fucked up things your ex did to you. You trick yourself into thinking the two of you are supposed to be together. You second guess yourself. Everyone does this. No decision feels more final than that of a break-up, and oftentimes it leads us to believe we’ve made some kind of detrimental mistake. How could we let go of something so precious, so real?
Let me assure you, there was nothing precious or real about your former relationship, this is why you are no longer in it. I realize there are many variables, and getting back together does work for some people, but in most cases, you’re just prolonging the inevitable.
I once had a five year on-and-off relationship with someone. Every time we broke up I would romanticize thoughts about his adorable fucking face or his stupid joke songs he would make up on the guitar. I would fail to remember that we couldn’t have a mature conversation to save our lives, because neither of us could take the blame, or that I spent most of the time hanging out by myself while he worked on his car.
Every time we would get back together it would be the same thing, initial comfort, but inevitably we would realize we don’t fucking like each other and would break up all over again. It’s pretty dumb if you think about it. In the time I spent trying to piece together a completely fucked relationship, I could have started a whole new one with someone I actually got along with.
I’m sure your ex does love you, a lot, and you love him. A part of me still loves my exes and I know a part of them still loves me too. Love doesn’t conquer all, though. Despite what memes you have been reading in order to justify your shitty thoughts, love won’t fix stupid. I can assure you, nothing will be different the second time around.
If you are fully aware your ex is an asshole, don’t investigate further. You’ll just end up six months down the road, ten beers and three Fireballs in, leaning over a toilet somewhere, tears streaming down your face, texting everyone in your phone book asking if they know how to get coke.