I meet the most wonderful guy! We click in every area of life our chemistry is awesome. Those are his words! However he does not want to be in a committed relationship with anyone. He got married really young and has been divorced for two years after twelve years of marriage and five kids. So, after about six months of going back and forth, he decided to back off and we be just friends. I said ok, and respected his decision however he won’t leave me alone. He is always asking me for sex and sending me pics. Which was all fine and dandy when we were trying to work things out but now that we decided on friendship it is confusing. I like him a lot but I do not want to have sex with him anymore under the umbrella of friendship. When I tell him this he says he understands and within a couple of weeks he is asking again but says he only wants to be friends. Am I fooling myself to think that he will come around and ask me to be his woman? Or does he want me to just be is toy?
First off, let me thank you. We seem to get non-stop questions from delusional love-struck guys who keep hanging out with a girl who only likes them as a friend under the ill-concieved notion that the girl will eventually come around and fall for them. (And seriously, just knock if off guys, the girl will never fall for you) It’s very refreshing to get a question from the other side, where it’s the girl being delusional and thinking a guy will come around.
Listen, guys like to have sex. Sure, girls like to have sex too, it’s true. But for guys it’s different. For most of our lives, guys never go longer than 10 or 15 seconds without thinking about sex. It’s actually really hard to explain to someone who is not a guy, what it’s like to always be craving sex. Think of the last time you were on some crazy diet and starving yourself. Now think about how much you were craving and desiring food. That’s how we are, all the time, only about sex.
I hate to let the secret out of the bag, but seriously girls, if you want to have sex with a guy, have sex with him, but if you want a relationship, don’t have sex with him. Throwing your legs open right away is a perfectly fine thing to do, and I actually highly encourage you to do so, but if you really want to have a relationship with a guy, you need to at least make him work up to it.
You gave the guy the goods, and now he’s got you in his rotation. He doesn’t want a relationship with you, he just wants you around so he can have sex whenever that craving hits him (which is always) and when there is no one else around (which is why he isn’t dating you). Even when you tell him you want to just be friends, he is probably honestly agreeing with you, but two weeks later, when he is like a starving man walking through a desert, you’re going to look like a giant pork chop to him. Some kind of sexual pork chop, I guess… Whatever, now I am both hungry AND horny.
Anyway…no, he is never going to come around. Stop wasting your time and find a new guy, there’s a million out there. Just do yourself a favor and try to resist the urge to immediately flop onto your back the moment you see a new guy that you like.
Seriously? Get real here. Please.
You must be the most clueless girl on the face of the earth. And not the cool kind of clueless like Alicia Silverstone. This guy is literally telling you “You are my FUCK-BUDDY”, and you’re simply choosing to ignore it and instead lean on the false hope that this fucker is going to come around. He’s not. I’m not trying to make you feel totally shitty. Every girl goes through a stage in her life where she meets some deadbeat loser and for some deranged reason thinks he’s the sexiest, most stand-up guy around. We then justify every wrong thing he does, creating an often timely and seriously fucked cycle of disastrous relationship hell.
I understand he just got out of a devoted, twelve-year marriage. Blah blah blah. Five kids. Blah blah blah. A white picket fucking fence and a pomeranian named Fluffy. Blah blah blah! And more blah! Does he think he’s original? Get the fuck over it dude. It’s been two years. That’s plenty time to move on. That’s beside the point, though. This dude is not looking for anything serious. I don’t know why we, as women, mentally convince ourselves of things that are not happening. We really think that we are somethin’ real special and this guy has just stumbled upon a diamond in the fucking rough. I don’t care how special we are, or think we are. Sometimes he’s just not THAT into you. In this case, he may be into you, but he’s sure as hell is not trying to call you his lady, and that’s gotta mean something.
No one ever wants to be friends. I mean, I’m telling you, there is a MINISCULE percentage of people in this world who have previously been romantic and can make it as merely “friends”. Maybe after years, when each person has gotten married and started a life a surface friendship can ensue, but the chances of being close fucking homies is slim to none. One person always wants something. Always.
Honestly, this guy sounds like a real fucking douche. He also sounds like he tippin’ the crazy scale. Deciphering whether or not he is going to ask you to be his woman is literally a laughing matter at this point. What you should really be trying to decipher is what kind of guy sends you dick pics.