How to deal with running into my ex-girlfriend in a small community?

I just had a pretty shitty breakup with my long time girlfriend, and that’s what it is; however my city is a pretty small place all things considered and I’m bound to run into her when I’m with other people. Whats the best way to go about not being rude but making sure she knows it’s over?

A good way to almost guarantee that something bad is going to happen is to continue to dwell on it until it you are so expecting it to happen that it does.

Someone who is worried about losing their job, usually ends up losing it. Or someone who is worried about losing their girlfriend, usually does. The universe has a way of giving us what we expect, and it’s important to maintain a positive frame of mind in these matters.

Even despite our best efforts, sometimes it can still happen. I had a particularly bad incident last summer that I’m not proud of. I was doing some security work at a particularly thug-heavy rap concert and I had a very ominous sense of foreboding from the moment I walked into work that night. No matter what I tried, I couldn’t shake this bad feeling that something horrible was going to happen. I was so convinced that I was going to get shot or something that I actually logged onto Facebook to change my profile picture from me swilling a bottle of Jack Daniels to me holding a cute puppy. This way, when my picture ended up on the evening news, people would feel really sad and say stuff like, “Awww, and he really loved puppies. Now that puppy is an orphan! This is such a tragedy I am going to donate to my local animal shelter” instead of just thinking, “Look at that fucking whiskey swilling asshole, he probably had it coming.” It certainly turned out to be one of the rougher shows I worked, and I made it home in one piece, but having a shitty attitude didn’t make things any safer for me.

In a small city, everyone pretty much knows where everyone else ends up drinking. So it’s unlikely that you’re going to run into your ex-girlfriend unless you really want to. Do you? If so, you may want to ask yourself why.

But motivations aside, a breakup is only as shitty as you make yourself believe it to be. When you do run into her, just pretend like nothing happened. Even if the sight of her makes you upset or angry or weepy, just fake it. Smile at her and say, “Hey, how’s it going?” then move on and go talk to other people. It makes it much harder for her to go around starting drama if you just act like it was all no big deal and everything is cool. But hey, if worse comes to worse and she starts running her mouth and convincing everyone you’re the devil incarnate, just change your facebook profile picture to one of you holding a puppy and all will be well.

Yeah yeah yeah. “It’s a small world”. That’s what they all say. Look. People break up ALL the time. Ninety-percent of the time they are shitty break-ups. And everyone runs into everyone. But how often to you plan to run into this chick? Because clearly you are planning this. It is clear that you WANT to run into her. I’m sorry, but it’s pretty easy to stay away from someone that you don’t want to see. It’s even easier to “accidentally” show up places where you know that person you “don’t want to see” might be. Just a thought.

Let’s pretend, though, you are one-hundred-percent repulsed by your ex. Sure, you shouldn’t let her stupid fat face get in the way of your fun. She’s probably going to be parading her skanky ass around the majority of the city, so no matter what you do you will inevitably be forced to run into her at some point. Go out to the places you would normally go. Chances are those are places you went with her, so chances are she is going to be there. She’ll be drunk, too. Really drunk. You can do one of three things. The first, make direct eye contact with ugly, stupid, fat ex-girlfriend, quickly turn away, chug beer and begin laughing as hard as humanly possible at everything the people you’re with say/do so it looks like you’re having fun. Then continue to ignore ex for the rest of the night. It’s not necessarily rude, you guys are broken up. You’re not obligated to talk to her. This will guarantee she will “know it’s over”, although I’m not really sure why she wouldn’t already.

The second alternative would be the “we’re just acquaintances”, awkward, one-armed hug. Go over to your ugly, fat, stupid ex-girlfriend, say “Hey!” in a way that really says, “We are strangers now”. Then proceed into a one-armed, shitty hug that means nothing. This will defeat her in every way possible, and if she didn’t already know it was over she sure does now.

The third alternative, and the one you will probably end up choosing, is the one where you get really drunk, run into her, it kills you inside, you beg for her back via text, you guys have make-up sex, get back together the next day, never make it Facebook official because you’re embarrassed since you’ve been talking mad shit about her publicly, and try to patch up a relationship that’s probably fucked.