What can I do about my asshole boss?

My boss where I work is a total asshole. It really pisses me off. What can I do about it?

Is your boss really an asshole or are you just a douchebag at work? Think about things from the boss’s stand point. Are you unreliable and always showing up late or calling in sick? If you were one of the bouncers working for me, I’d be a complete asshole to you too if you kept doing that shit. Are you coping an attitude and making everything difficult instead of doing your work? I soooo don’t want to deal with that shit. I have people to keep safe, laws to make sure we follow, and lots of girls to hit on. I don’t want to be fucking babysitting your cry-baby ass instead, and your stupid antics are making me grouchy enough that I am ready to fire your ass right now!

But if your boss is really an ass, you only have a few options. You can get a new job. That’s right, don’t whine to me about how unfair shit is, I don’t fucking care. If you don’t like your boss or your job, go get a new one. If you can’t, well it might be time to re-adjust your attitude. One of the best ways to deal with an asshole boss is to “outlive” him. Bosses who are true dicks usually don’t last all that long, so all you have to do is suck it up and stick with the program until they are fired, demoted, promoted, or take a another job.

The real key here is to not let it seem like shit bothers you, even if it does. If you bitch and moan about your boss to all your co-workers, people are going to get annoyed with you and think you’re part of, or all of, the problem. And they’ll be right. Instead, you should always act as if everything is awesome. Act like nothing your boss does annoys you at all. You’re cool, you’re hip, you’re far above all this petty shit. You collect a pay check, you go home at the end of the day. Who fucking cares what your boss says or does? Hold your head high and act like everything is wonderful and you’ll start feeling like everything is wonderful. And then, everyone you work with will thing “Damn, that person has it so together.” And then, if you boss starts bitching about you, people will raise an eyebrow and think “Hmm, I’ve seen no hint of that.” Eventually, they’ll assume the boss is the problem and not you and BOOM, soon you’ve outlived your boss!

Everyone’s boss is an asshole. Shut up and quit whining about it.

If you hate your boss so much, get a different job. That is pretty much all you can really do about it. They’re your boss, meaning they are one step ahead of you. You have zero control over anything they do or say to you. You are simply at their disposal, and they could really give a fuck if you think they’re an asshole. It’s like working in customer service when you hate people, like I do. There is absolutely nothing you can do to keep people from coming in. They are inevitably going to pull up in a mini van, make sure a cluster fuck of kids pile out, and ruin your life by ordering the shit out of everything you have and not tipping. Like I said, I have no control over this. I simply have to suck it up, think mean, terrible thoughts in my head about these people’s children, and put a big, fat, phony fucking smile on my face.

Suck it up. Plant that big, fake smile on that face of yours and get on with it if you want to keep your job. Your boss isn’t going to change, and there sure as fuck isn’t anything you can do about it.

My advice: deal with it and rub your balls on their keyboard when they’re not looking.